How to spot a good counsellor
Hi all! In this post I will write everything down in English, okee. Jadi kalo yang ngerasa keberatan baca tulisan dalam Bahasa Inggris silahkan minggir, hehe. Kidd.
Lately I’ve seen many posts in social media about depression, mainly about how we should treat people around us that suffering from some kind of depression. I myself was going through hard times when I was finishing my internship practice in the hospital last year, I would just call it my mental-disaster-state. I’m not gonna tell you all the details why, how, what I’ve done at those times. But I will tell you one thing (or two) that I learned so far from the experience.
I was seeing a counselor on campus. And through many counselling sessions I noticed that Ms. D always do these things that might helpful if you have to listen to stories of someone around that is in a depressive state or stressed out of going through hardships. I also found this thought of self-help by Austin Kleon was helpful.
1. Not just listening.
Many posts that I’ve read suggests that if someone is going through hardships and they tell you, you should try to be a good listener and not hurrying on giving advice. That’s, in some part, is true. But being a good listener does not mean that you just sit there and saying nothing. Ms. D always directing our conversation and not just letting me talk about anything I want to talk about. For instance, when we were discussing my relationships with my friends, how they help me with my academics struggles, then I suddenly moving on telling her about my professors, she will led me back to the original topic, “ Ok, that’s’ your teachers, but how about your friends that you mentioned earlier?”
2. Ask the right questions.
When you let people just talk their heart out to you, they tend to just saying what is in their head at the time. It could be the real problem, but oftentimes what they tell is just something superficial, not the root problems or causes. Dig deeper by asking the right questions that will lead you to understand their worries thoroughly.
3. Help him/her think of the matters more objective by his/her own.
A good counselor, or a good friend, will not just comforting the people that is in distress, but they can help to, like Sean Covey puts it in his book 7 Habit of highly Effective Teens, throw away the broken glasses the other people wearing and help them wearing a new, clear lens to look on. Being a depressive people are, in my opinion, agree with Sean Covey, like you wearing a scratched glasses on for years. You can’t see the world as it is. You can’t see the beauty of people, the true colors of the world, all because your mind-glasses is broken and blocking your view. All you can see just darkness and evil things people could do.
In my case, Ms. D always asks questions based on what I told her before, making me think about my thinking. Was my suspicion came true? Am I really that suffer or am I a little overreact on what people says? What if I get bad grades on this assignment? Will my parents that disappointed, to the point they might kicking me out of the house? What’s the worst case scenario can ever happen? Is it really that bad?
Ok, that’s all I can think of from my experience on getting counselled (for now). One more thing, if you are the one that struggling with some form of depression, don’t seek help from other people that just know how to comfort you well. Share your stories with people that can actually help you change your broken mind-glasses.
Bittersweet of life. You have to taste bitter to be able to distinguish it from a sweet taste.
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